Sabbath 22nd June
It has been raining hard and windy with strong gusts for several hours now and it is still only 8.30 am. Looks like the weather forecast was right. I’ve made tea, but not very hungry yet. Have just prayed, mourning my sins, asking for forgiveness. I have taken my bible up with me and intend to meditate and write down some thoughts today – not sure on what yet – possibly thoughts that I’ve had for some time now but haven’t managed to write down – maybe my testimony.
Psalm 51, v.17 – “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.”
It was towards the end of 2004 – Sarah had left me in October that year. I remember I had had such harsh thoughts of God, I felt so hard done by. I stopped going to church, stopped praying and generally went back to my old ways. However I still had religious convictions, the Lord had awakened me in February of that year – I still believed, knew it all to be true, but tried to force myself not to think on such things.
I remember awaking one Sabbath day and having thoughts on the above verse – I do not know now why this verse came to mind. I was lying in bed and had such conviction of my sin and had such wonderful thoughts on this verse – My spirit was broken – I knew that, but why was that a ‘pleasing sacrifice’? Why would God not despise my broken and contrite heart? I had sinned much, sinned against light.
I couldn’t answer my question, but held it to be true, as it is written in the Word. This gave me some comfort and confidence in Him again – my spirit was broken, I had a broken and a contrite heart towards the Lord and He was pleased.
I began to pray again, to acknowledge that His ways are best, to trust in Him and not to lean unto my own understanding. There then followed a time of peace within, knowing that my sins were forgiven, prayers were being answered and it was a delight to read the bible.
There followed on one day a thought on what I call one of my favourite texts from scripture; Philippians 1, v.6. “Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
It was whilst walking home from work one morning and I found myself thinking that He WILL perform it, not that He may but that He WILL. This was wonderful. It was His good work that He begun in me. Obviously a good work as God surely cannot do anything bad. He begun the work, it wasn’t anything in me. I know that so surely, and He WILL perform it – He WILL complete this work, surely God cannot leave a work only a little completed plus the fact It is written in the Word. This gave great comfort, confidence and patience knowing that He WILL complete this work which He hath begun in me. Being confident – as the Word of God is true.
It is 3pm and still raining. It hasn’t let up once.
He hath said I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
8.40pm – Finally it has stopped raining and the wind has died down too.
8.45pm – Spoke too soon – wind and rain again, had a quick look outside and the horizon does seem to be quite clear, so hopefully this wont last long.
9.15pm – Finally finally stopped raining .
10.30pm – Even managed to glimpse the sun low in the sky in a break in the clouds.
